Mar 11, 2013

Midlife Musings

I keep thinking about death.
Maybe that’s normal
when you have another birthday.
Almost 40.
Big scary 40.
Who am I?
What have I accomplished?
Could I have done more with what I’ve been given?
For myself? For humanity?
Am I all I’ll ever be or is there still more mystery?
What comes next? What came before?
Or something our human minds
cannot possibly grasp
despite countless religions and
decades of science and philosophy,
art and poetry?

What is time?
What is age?
Am I old or young?
Or the dreaded middle aged?
And what does that all even mean
if it means anything at all?
What is relevant?
What is irrelevant?
Does any of it matter?
What matters to some
does not matter to others,
even what matters most.
What matters most to me?
Do I have it?
In spades.
What else?
So much.

Who are we? Why are we here?
Were there really ancient aliens?
Thoughts, questions, queries, quandaries
race through my mind
as I try to forge on with my day to day,
interrupting me,
distracting me,
pounding my brain
like the beat of an infernal, eternal drum.
What if?
What was?
Who? Where? Why?
What? How? When?
Heroes and heroines,
villains and friends,
what side do I fall in?

I’m not what I was,
but I haven’t really changed.
I’m more myself,
but am I who I’m meant to be?
An existential crisis
fills my soul
but I still have to live
so I guess I’ll let it go
and live in the moment.

it goes by so fast.
One minute you’re being teased on the playground,
the next you’re having your first legal drink in a pub,
then you blink your eyes and you’re on your deathbed,
but in between those moments that blur by
are the moments that last forever
like looking into the eyes of someone who loves you
just as much as you love them
if not more,
or being front row for your favorite band.
Live for the moments in between,
but cherish them all.