Sep 23, 2011

Am I an atheist?

Many people assume that I am an atheist because I do not believe in the biblical god. However, I'm really on the fence. To say that I do not believe in god, despite the evidence to either prove or disprove, is still, in essence, faith based. I do not prescribe to any absolute truths without evidence.

The lack of scientific evidence proving there is a god leads me to not believe in god, but the lack of scientific evidence disproving there is a god also leads me to not be 100% atheist. I do not believe in things that cannot be scientifically proved OR that I have not personally experienced. However, I reserve absolute judgment until such time as it can be proved or disproved.

Perhaps folks think I'm an atheist because I also dislike the idea of a god. Thing is, I really only dislike the idea of the biblical god. I love the idea of Zeus and Thor and Ra, as well as countless gods and goddesses throughout time and history. I love the idea of Isis and Athena. Of the male and female balance of a multi-god system. However, it does not mean I believe in them, merely that if I had to choose, I would prefer polytheism to monotheism.

Late at night, when you cannot sleep and your mind is racing and you feel utterly alone like there's no one you can talk to who would understand or care, the idea of god(s) that will listen to you and care what you're going through is extremely comforting. So much so that it really becomes moot whether god(s) exist or not. If you believe in something strong enough, you can will it into being in your own mind. The placebo effect. And it will bring comfort whether it's real or not. The power of delusion.

However, for me, the idea that it's just one biblical god does not bring me solace. Rather the idea of male and female gods each with their own specialties is what brings me comfort. (Of course, I also like the idea that all gods are based on actual visitors to our planet from outer space and that their powers were misunderstood technology, but that's a whole other topic.)

So, in essence, am I really an atheist? I don't know. I never really liked labels anyway.
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