Jun 5, 2008

Dreams of the Future Haunt my Sleep

Ever since I was young, I have had prophetic dreams. The first one I remember was about a giant, ugly bug in a glass of soda... I kept dreaming about this bug in a mug so everywhere we went I refused to drink out of mugs until one day, at Pub 99 (I think) somewhere in suburban Massachusetts, I could only get my soda in a mug -- they had no other kind of glass. My Mum tried to reassure me, but I knew what was going to happen. I secretly hoped I was wrong, that it was just a bad dream, but I knew better. As soon as the tall, clear mug of carbonated Coke arrived I began inspecting it and sure enough I found the bug in the mug. There was a cockroach frozen inside one of the cubes of ice. The look on my Mum's face was priceless. Even the waitress was stunned. I remember her saying, "Now how'd that get in there?" And my Mum saying something like, "It's just a coincidence." But I knew better...

Well, a whole bunch of years later I'm learning to be more secure with who I really am and the so-called gifts I have... (I say so-called because it sucks that I am so empathic I'm up all night feeling my future ex-husband's nerves about work tomorrow while he snoozes away... I'm like a giant emotional sponge. Which is just not good in certain environments...)

ANYway, there are these 2 recurring dreams I (duh) keep having that are driving me bonkers, so I thought, since *I* am *not* a private person like AT ALL that I'd share them both with you...(And my actions are congruent with my words -- or at least I'm trying to be more so.)

One is more global, the other very local...

In the local one, I'm in what I presume is Morocco. I say presume because I, myself, have never been there, I have only seen photos, and over time I have concluded that's the location. (I have a plethora of dreams about places I've never been to, people I've never met, etc.)  Speaking of, walking at my side is a guy who's face is always shielded from me, but he has brown hair and pale skin and is a little taller than me. Slender, well built. As we're walking along, we're chatting and shopping for baby clothes and furniture and at one point I realize I'm pregnant and this dude is the father, but I'm not married to him, no ownership... Over the years I've imagined a variety of different faces in there and wondered over the importance of the dream, like why keep having it? I didn't figure that out until last summer when my grandmother died. Something shifted inside me and all of a sudden I wanted to have kids (I'm the end of one Cheney line), but not with my husband (he knows all this so it's not like breaking news or anything, I just need to *write* it out of my head). Well, that realization kinda blew my mind and altered the course of my life (with a few hiccups and nudges along the way), but it all started with a simple, recurring dream...

So here's the global one, right... I'm in some tropical location and there are all these bodies being tossed about in the waves and dumped on shore. Dark skin. Mostly men and boys. All dead. It's horrifying and yet I have it over and over. And all I can think when I wake is how can I save these people? I don't even know who they are, where they are, or WHEN they are?!?

So, sometimes, it's hard for me to fall asleep. Been this way as long as I can remember. I've dreamt of plane crashes before they've happened and very close loved ones passing away before they do in real life.

I don't know why the pregnancy one bothers me so much, unless it's just the obviousness of it and the HUGE change my life must make to ever get there...... Dreams are wicked weird. This is why I did my college thesis on dreams. Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to make the accompanying documentary -- if I want to... Right now, one day at a time!

The dreams are just one of the many gifts God went and blessed me with... Don't ask for a Tarot reading from me unless you want the cold, hard truth!

Well, I think I might go distract myself with Stargate. (The original movie... Jammmes Spader. Meow.)
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