’Like the Face of Chefren’

The class lingered on
soft voices
intensely discussing
Othello's flaws
jealousy, insecurity, trust
How I long for
such emotions
I sigh and tune
them out like
an old Elvis song
I've heard too
many times
My eyes gaze
around the circle
searching for truth
they rest upon her
with dark flowing
hair cascading
over her soft shoulders
rolls of black waves
her eyes
deep and mysterious
exploring Desdemona's soul
questioning
imagining
My eyes turn inward
I think of him
his innocent face
of youth with eyes
too old to love
his beautiful face
smooth features
timeless, ideal
Chefren
his eyes staring
back into mine
into my soul
examining
He knows my
thoughts
desires
yet does not
return them
could not return them
I know that
I know why
But I can't
suppress my feelings
my longing
I will break the circle

(Written during my Shakespeare class @ BC 1992)

Googling Myself Again Just as U2 pops on Retro-Active SBS

So, here's one thing I completely forgot about: Urban Dictionary - "friscalating" - Mar 17, 2004

(NB: 'shyscraper's' has a stoopid typo, but I couldn't re-log in to correct it *pout*)

And here's a computer illustration that I forgot about until somewhat recently-ish:
Comcast Makes a Deal with BitTorrent

ACHTUNG: Cymbalta Causes Suicide -- PLZ READ!

My Mum sent me the following:

Cymbalta Causes Suicide

October 16, 2007

By Sach Oliver

People of all ages should be carefully monitored, particularly when starting Cymbalta or any other antidepressant treatment. The FDA recently issued a new warning about suicidal thinking in adults taking antidepressants and the FDA specifically singled out Cymbalta. If you, your family member, or a friend is taking Cymbalta, please be careful.

Cymbalta's generic name is duloxetine. The FDA singled out Cymbalta because it has a higher than expected rate of suicide attempts. Cymbalta is made by Eli Lilly. Eli Lilly has a clinic at Indiana University Medical Center in Indianapolis. Traci Johnson, who did not suffer from depression, volunteered for trial testing of Cymbalta. As a result of Cymbalta, Traci hung herself in one of the clinic's showers. Traci was the fifth patient to commit suicide after taking Cymbalta in clinical trials. For heaven sakes, please do not volunteer for any clinical testing involving Cymbalta.

Why do you think Eli Lilly pushes this drug onto so many doctors and then onto the patients? Some analysts believe that Cymbalta will generate revenue up to $3 billion by 2009. This is why every night while watching TV you see dozens of Cymbalta commercials.

Our firm is handling Cymbalta suicide cases. Not until after meeting the families of the Cymbalta victims did I immediately call my own family to make certain they were not taking Cymbalta. My heart stopped to learn that several of my own family members had taken Cymbalta and no one had warned them about the consequences. Please, before even thinking of taking Cymbalta, research the drug thoroughly and make certain the patient is closely monitored


ALSO:

Patients should be advised of the following issues and asked to alert their prescriber if these occur while taking Cymbalta.Clinical Worsening and Suicide Risk — Patients, their families, and their caregivers should be encouraged to be alert to the emergence of anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, insomnia, irritability, hostility, aggressiveness, impulsivity, akathisia (psychomotor restlessness), hypomania, mania, other unusual changes in behavior, worsening of depression, and suicidal ideation, especially early during antidepressant treatment and when the dose is adjusted up or down. Families and caregivers of patients should be advised to look for the emergence of such symptoms on a day-to-day basis, since changes may be abrupt. Such symptoms should be reported to the patient's prescriber or health professional, especially if they are severe, abrupt in onset, or were not part of the patient's presenting symptoms. Symptoms such as these may be associated with an increased risk for suicidal thinking and behavior and indicate a need for very close monitoring and possibly changes in the medication.

On a more personal note...

October 1998 my "regular" doctor prescribed me PAXIL for anxiety & depression (something that really reared its ugly head when I moved from Beantown to Hell-A -- can we say culture shock?). ANYhoo, the paxil ejected itself from my body both ends projectile style. I argued with my doctor over it because she claimed that that particular side effect could not be from the Paxil as it was not documented AS a side effect. Riiight... She said I had the flu. Um, no. My body felt poisoned and responded thusly. (Is that a word?)

Next she crammed Celexa down my throat and that turned me into a lethargic, apathetic zombie.

So then she switched me to a lovely little combo of Welbutrin & Lexapro, which seemed to work for awhile, but my creativity died. I ceased to write. I'm a naturally compulsive writer. It's how I purge my brain, like Zeus giving birth to Athena...

ANYway, she left her practice, so I got handed off to a new doctor, who weaned me off those two drugs and switched me onto Cymbalta.

The first oddball symptons I noticed were an alarming inability to communicate, as well as a strange on again/off again relationship with REALity. Kinda like walking on those earthquake floors in a Fun House (a la GREASE -- go Grease lightnin'!).

Then I started feeling EXETREMELY PARANOID. I don't like that feelin' much, man, I'll tell ya! Wicked weird!

NEXT I began having auditory & visual hallucinations.

That's about the time I had a PSYCHOTIC SPLIT & had to be hospitalized in a Psych Ward for like 32 hours (I guess they waited for all the drug to leave my system to make a proper assessment of my mental state. I can now say I am sane (tho I, um, don't feel sane most of the f'n time!).

REGARDLESS, my point is, MY reaction to CYMBALTA was very different than the "norm," but it was a reaction nonetheless and it wicked big time sucked. Heck, it scared the living shit outta me!!!!

(I'm far too vain for suicide, sorry!)

BUT NOT EVERYONE IS.

So, PLEASE for the LOVE f whatever you hold dear, call EVERYONE YOU KNOW and tell them to look this drug up on the web, educate themselves about what they are putting into their bodies, and tell them to BE SAFE!!!

I do not want to hear of ONE MORE person dying over this billion dollar drug!!! (Nor should anyone endure even 2 hours in a Psych Ward!! EEP!!)

CYMBALTA: AVOID AT ALL COSTS! SAVE A LIFE & SPREAD THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE!

Love & Peas,
MeL

’The LLL’

The Lost Legacy League

We're drifters on a mighty wind
Blowing in the din
Finding our way into the light
Fighting thru the night
To save our lives
From death's frost
And reclaim the battles
That we lost!

Y’know how everyone says no one can cover U2 well? WRONG!

His name is Paul Van (I met him once briefly with a friend & taped a portion of "Silent Photographer," an original SOLARCADE tune*), but don't just listen (read?) me, hear/see for yourself (Video Credit Unknown):



*"Silent Photographer" by Solarcade LiVE (video by me, duh -- not the best quality, sorry!):

Enjoy! Or not, y'know, whatever. ;o)

Tidying Up Flickr, Net Neutrality, & Googling Myself

As you may have I noticed, I *just* uploaded a buttload of photos. Aside from the obvious narcissistic aspect of it, I was really just doing some "tidying up" on my Flickr account and, upon revisiting 5,000+ images, well, I felt like sharing some, damn it!

What else? Oh, yeah, this is neat... While Googling myself the other day (yes, I do that, shut up), I discovered a couple of my original graphic designs being used in two different online articles about Net Neutrality. Check It:


Sobre el control de Internet




Probing Question: What is Net neutrality?


Also, came across a photo of Bono I took being used here (without my permission, btw -- who created that account in my name? Not me! But still, I'm flattered... Sin thy name is Vanity!):



Give the Man from U2 His Pants!


PS: I switched out my SlideShows (on the main page) for one of just concert photography I've taken over the years... I love capturing live performance!

’News Blues’

I open my door
Step onto my trash covered floor
Run to my unmade bed
To rest my hung over head
I turn on the TV's muted news
While the radio plays the blues
I didn't need to hear the newscasters
Only needed to see the pictures
Of a twelve year old's rape
All on home video tape
As I step into the shower
I feel I have no power
Over what I hear and say
The pain never goes away
Bryant Gumble says with a smile
Don't you dare touch that dial
More death and violence
God, can we ever have silence?

1/2/93

Poultrygeist LA Premiere in Photos

’A Message to a Friend’

Your voice is a Gift from God
Let it shine
Let it shine
For all to hear
Your voice lifts my Spirit
Let it go
Let it go
Free the soul

This is a message to a Friend
Don't believe the hype
People hate because people hate
You create because you create
Sing your soul
Sing your heart
Never let the twain part
I believe in you
God does too
Let it go
Let it shine
Let it roll
Let it rise
Your voice Your voice Your voice
Sends chills down my spine
Goosebumps on skin
Don't let the haters win

Your voice is a Gift from God
Let it rock
Let it roll
For all to hear
Your voice lifts my soul
Let it shine
Let it go
Free your mind

This is a message to a Friend
Don't believe the hype
People hate because people hate
You create because you create
Sing your soul
Sing your heart
Never let the twain part
I believe in you
God does too
Let it shine
Let it go
Let it rock
Let it roll
Your voice Your voice Your voice
Sends chills down my spine
Goosebumps on skin
Don't let the haters win

Your voice is a Gift from God
Let it shine
Let it shine
For all to hear
Your voice lifts my Soul
Let it go
Let it go!

If you know you can’t throw, don’t try

So, I'm out by the pool, right, when this mini yellow flying saucer comes booming down on me. It's a doggie chew toy. I look up, there's my top floor neighbor with dogs looking down at me going, "Oops, I missed. Can you toss it back up?"

So, I dutifully hop out the pool, grab up the sticky, smelly chew toy and attempt to toss it back up.

Wait. Let me paint you a picture (I'd take one, but I'm naked & too embarrassed to go back out right now)...

K, so I live in a horseshoe apartment with a courtyard pool in the back. There are 3 floors. The inner apartments all have balconies facing the courtyard.

And I live in K-town.

And I can't throw. (I did field hockey. Goalie. Blood makes the grass grow!)

But I try anyway.

Instead of making its destination -- 3rd floor porch -- it landed with a resounding thud on the 2nd floor porch.

And then a face appeared from the darkness beyond the sliding glass doors. It was hideous, twisted, and very old. Female, I think.

It growled at me in unfamiliar words.

I said, "Round thing. Yellow. Can you toss it back to me?"

It growled again in its native tongue.

Again, this time making a circle with my hands, I said, "Round thing. Yellow. Can you toss it to me?"

She did.

Then she stood there watching.

I tried again. This time it slammed against her sliding glass doors wicked loud.

The upstairs neighbor suddenly disappeared.

She did not toss it back down.

K, I need to clean this chlorine off... And this shame! haha.

New cupcake bakery in Larchmont: CRUMBS

So, I just got back from a little work break up in Larchmont (it's my Cheers) and whilst there I discovered that a new shop opened (this happens a lot in Larchmont -- there are a couple spots along the strip that have wicked high turnover. I'm convinced they're all haunted), anyway the shop is called Crumbs and sells fancy shmancy cupcakes at exhorbitant prices. (I just pretended I needed change for the phone for a few hours, then after finally collecting $3.75 + tax, bought one, only to find it's waaay too rich for me, man. No pun intended. Or was it?) But enough of the chatter! Look at these yummy cupcakes:







Meanwhile, the Boy ate at Kiku and chatted up the sushi chef, Chris, who told him he was Iron Chef trained... I don't do fish, but it looked neat:



He then chatted me up giving me all these good veggie tips, like after opening a bag of Spring Mix, toss in a slice of lemon to keep it fresh 3 days longer. Cool, huh? And I've been sort of focusing my thoughts on better eating (just because I'm a vegetarian doesn't mean I eat well)... It's funny how things just find you when you're on the right track.

Anyhoo, that was my lil adventure today... K, now back to either 1) finishing work or 2) Swiffering the kitchen... What am I in the mood for first?



PS: I didn't really beg. I just thought it sounded funnier. Ok, I'm really just embarrassed that I blew 4 bucks on a cupcake I can't even eat.

Dreams of the Future Haunt my Sleep

Ever since I was young, I have had prophetic dreams. The first one I remember was about a giant, ugly bug in a glass of soda... I kept dreaming about this bug in a mug so everywhere we went I refused to drink out of mugs until one day, at Pub 99 (I think) somewhere in suburban Massachusetts, I could only get my soda in a mug -- they had no other kind of glass. My Mum tried to reassure me, but I knew what was going to happen. I secretly hoped I was wrong, that it was just a bad dream, but I knew better. As soon as the tall, clear mug of carbonated Coke arrived I began inspecting it and sure enough I found the bug in the mug. There was a cockroach frozen inside one of the cubes of ice. The look on my Mum's face was priceless. Even the waitress was stunned. I remember her saying, "Now how'd that get in there?" And my Mum saying something like, "It's just a coincidence." But I knew better...

Well, a whole bunch of years later I'm learning to be more secure with who I really am and the so-called gifts I have... (I say so-called because it sucks that I am so empathic I'm up all night feeling my future ex-husband's nerves about work tomorrow while he snoozes away... I'm like a giant emotional sponge. Which is just not good in certain environments...)

ANYway, there are these 2 recurring dreams I (duh) keep having that are driving me bonkers, so I thought, since *I* am *not* a private person like AT ALL that I'd share them both with you...(And my actions are congruent with my words -- or at least I'm trying to be more so.)

One is more global, the other very local...

In the local one, I'm in what I presume is Morocco. I say presume because I, myself, have never been there, I have only seen photos, and over time I have concluded that's the location. (I have a plethora of dreams about places I've never been to, people I've never met, etc.)  Speaking of, walking at my side is a guy who's face is always shielded from me, but he has brown hair and pale skin and is a little taller than me. Slender, well built. As we're walking along, we're chatting and shopping for baby clothes and furniture and at one point I realize I'm pregnant and this dude is the father, but I'm not married to him, no ownership... Over the years I've imagined a variety of different faces in there and wondered over the importance of the dream, like why keep having it? I didn't figure that out until last summer when my grandmother died. Something shifted inside me and all of a sudden I wanted to have kids (I'm the end of one Cheney line), but not with my husband (he knows all this so it's not like breaking news or anything, I just need to *write* it out of my head). Well, that realization kinda blew my mind and altered the course of my life (with a few hiccups and nudges along the way), but it all started with a simple, recurring dream...

So here's the global one, right... I'm in some tropical location and there are all these bodies being tossed about in the waves and dumped on shore. Dark skin. Mostly men and boys. All dead. It's horrifying and yet I have it over and over. And all I can think when I wake is how can I save these people? I don't even know who they are, where they are, or WHEN they are?!?

So, sometimes, it's hard for me to fall asleep. Been this way as long as I can remember. I've dreamt of plane crashes before they've happened and very close loved ones passing away before they do in real life.

I don't know why the pregnancy one bothers me so much, unless it's just the obviousness of it and the HUGE change my life must make to ever get there...... Dreams are wicked weird. This is why I did my college thesis on dreams. Hopefully, someday, I'll be able to make the accompanying documentary -- if I want to... Right now, one day at a time!

The dreams are just one of the many gifts God went and blessed me with... Don't ask for a Tarot reading from me unless you want the cold, hard truth!

Well, I think I might go distract myself with Stargate. (The original movie... Jammmes Spader. Meow.)

This is my new desktop background...

(on Jer's laptop)... I figure if I stare at it long enough I'll get there eventually. ;P