Sep 9, 2005

Life: Selflessness

I used to believe that life was like a Shakespearean play wherein
everything that everyone said had a double, triple meaning and behind every word lay a hidden motive. In fact, not only did I believe this of others, but I'm fairly certain I practiced this art to a degree myself. The end result was too much thinking and analyzing and not enough living and being! Yesterday I phoned a friend and left a message. I offered myself as an ear to listen to anything he might need to talk about if he needed to talk at all. As soon as I left the message, I felt a sense of release. I had phoned him based purely on a gut feeling, wherein the past I might've left a message like that because I was lonely, or I needed to talk, or I, I, I... you see? And my old self would've become perturbed and impatient if the phone never rang. Well, the phone has yet to ring and I don't mind. Of course I'll be here to listen if the time is to come, but for the first time in my life I know what true, pure selflessness means. I had thought that some catastrophic, earth shattering event would've had to happen for me to learn such an important lesson, but nay, a simple phone call did the trick. It's funny how one can know something academically, in theory, but not in heart... And that when one wants to learn something from the heart, the lesson just happens. I wasn't even looking and then BAM. Of course, all good things that have ever come to me in my life have come when I wasn't looking for them, so I suppose I shouldn't be so surprised, lol. I guess it's just nice to finally understand something, a concept, that has been repeatedly brought to my attention, selflessness, and to really understand it on a gut level. To offer myself just to give without any desire, need, want, or trick to get something back. It feels good. And as far as my friend goes, if he needs to talk and he talks to me or 
someone else or, heck, not at all, well, any which way around, I just hope he's ok.
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